How to deal with pressure from family when telling them you are becoming a vegan?

Question

Sometimes explaining to your family that you have decided to become a vegetarian/vegan is not easy, especially when they have grown up thinking that eating meat/fish/dairy from time to time is necessary for a healthy diet.

For that reason they might push you to eat some animal product from time to time, especially if, as it is in my case, you only get together for holidays like Christmas when meals are an important part of the festivity.

Also, they can refer to how boring it must be eating only vegetables and say things like: "This piece of meat/fish/... looks much tastier! Don't you think so? Don't you want a bite?"

How can I deal with this issue? What would be a good way of convincing them that my lifestyle is not inherently unhealthy?

Answer 1

My mum was concerned about my health and wellbeing when I transitioned from vegetarianism to veganism, but I was not living at home at the time.

What I did was constantly talk about the great food I was eating, sending pictures to my family of the beautiful food I was cooking and eating out and about and telling them how delicious it was.

My parents have both become vegetarian themselves since then :)

My health, already good, only improved, and that spoke for itself, my mum always says "you look very well". It helps if you take care of your health as much as possible (take your B12!) to prevent family members becoming concerned.

Answer 2

In my personal experience there is one thing that made my family more open to the idea of veganism and that vegan food is not bland and boring (one of the major concerns my family also had).

Cook for them. This is the best way of showing anyone that vegan food is not boring and that it can be very tasty, if they try it and like it, it will make the process much easier although it might take a while until they finally accept your new lifestyle.

Also, meat replacements can be effective to show them that you can eat similar stuff to what you used to eat before so they don't think you survive only off rice and beans.

Related to this when they're more open to the idea, you can take them out to vegan places from time to time, to show them that there are very creative people out there, cooking very nice things.

And be patient. Being vegan is not seen as "normal" by many societies and it may take a while to some people to accept the fact that you have decided to stop consuming animal products. Your loved ones care about you and might be genuinely worried, so maintaining your lifestyle and showing them that you're as healthy as ever and that you like the food you eat is a great way to show them that there is nothing wrong with the lifestyle that you have decided to follow.

Answer 3

Lots of good answers already but I may have an additional viewpoint to offer.

Background:

My sister started being Vegan about 6 years ago. I was not very supportive and did all the negative things you mention. I came at her with all the uninformed arguments I knew at the time.

• "Humans need meat to survive"
• "If we didn't eat cows they wouldn't exist"
• "Vegan food is not good. Try how much better this burger is"
• And more and more (I was kind of jerk)

She's awesome and stuck to her guns through not only my berating, but similar BS from the rest of the family.

Fast-forward and I have been Vegan(ish) for about a year now. I completely regret being so hard on my sister, because societal pressures are the hardest part about being vegan (the food is great).

My sister wanted to be vegan because she abhorred the cruelty to animals. I became vegan because I abhor the devastating impact that animal agriculture has on the environment.

My sister always used the animal cruelty aspect of animal agriculture to make her argument for veganism, but it never resonated with me (that has changed). When I became educated about the environmental impact of animal agriculture and how unsustainable it is, that really hit home.

Then I continued learning about this topic and of course the cruelty is a motivating factor for me, but not the primary one (for me personally). The environmental impact was my primary motivator. Learning about the health issues surrounding animal products was also a big motivator.

So I would suggest you educate yourself about all the arguments for Veganism and use the one that most appeals to your "opponent".

I'm not saying you'll change everyone (or anyone's) mind, but I have found that some people have a much harder time disputing or brushing off the health or environmental impacts of meat-eating than the animal-rights aspects.

Answer 4

Context: 10 years ago I made some hefty nutrition changes in my life (it wasn't about being vegan, but I won't go into it here, as it does not matter). Let's suffice to say that it was borderline revolutionary for my larger family then -- and it is perfectly accepted and not mentioned at all anymore, today; plus I got some of them over to do it my way, as well.

Specific hints:

• You are doing nothing wrong. Deciding what to eat is a basic right that they cannot take from you (in the context we are talking about here, obviously ;) ).
• They cannot force you to eat any specific thing. The only thing you have to endure is talking.
• Don't ask for permission, don't try to win them over to your side, etc.. Do what you want to do, period.
• Don't put yourself in an "underdog" situation. If you want to, tell them a white lie once ("I'm trying this for a while to see what happens") even if you're 100% sure you are committed to it for life. But don't constantly repeat this; if they don't stop talking about it, you can still stop responding.
• It helps to understand why they do it. They might have fears about your health, they might have heard bad things about vegans and so on. Still, you cannot really change that by talking. The only way to show them is ... to show them. Do your thing, and after a few years the "health" point is moot. Assuming you are eating healthy, obviously, but that is in your own interest, primarily.
• Avoid food religion, i.e. spamming (sic) them with the benefits of your new way to eat. That will just lead to more discussions. These days, for any and all foods, you can find places on the internet which try to prove how bad they are for your health. Don't go down that road. Make it your personal thing. The last you want is for them to think that you somehow fell for a fad here.
• Don't ask anyone to cook anything specific to you. If they cook meat, then you can eat the side dishes, or have some "emergency" food at hand that you can quickly get for yourself.
• Above all, stay as relaxed as possible about the whole thing. When the topic comes up yet again, just relax, don't fight, smile, while you nibble at your non-animal-related food.

That was at least my strategy and experience with the issue; it served me well.

After a while, they will get quite used to it and the issue will be over. Be prepared for some more "talking" once in a while until the end of your time though - just ignore it whenever it happens.

The purest joy will be when you convert someone of them over by sheer example (never, ever, ever try to actively do it).

Answer 5

When I was transitioning diets from omnivore to vegetarian and later vegan, my family has been rather surprised and prejudiced against the process as well. Here are some of the things that made this easier, in terms of both making them understand and making them to accept this.

• Cook them some vegan recipes. One of the most powerful tools in your hands is the ability to target tastebuds. Find great vegan recipes and show your family that being vegan is not just a carrot for breakfast and an apple for dinner. Make them see the diversity they have been blind to until then and the possibilities that exist. My diet gained a lot of variety both in things I eat and in the tastes I experience, and I believe this is one of the main reasons why my family accepts this.
• Tell them why you are vegan. This largely depends on where you and your family stand when it comes to communication. Sometimes this is just impossible to do, but most of the time, there is some space for sharing new ideas. Find out how to use this space and how to eventually pry it open. There are many reasons why you may follow vegan diet; they are all interesting and when you overcome the initial "strange and sounds a bit weird" feeling your family may have about veganism, it will make it much more likely for them to accept your stance and stop nagging you about it. There is one medium sized but though - Do not push this. Wait until someone approaches you and asks you about it. Even in a sarcastic way.
• Talk about positive experiences that somehow relate to you being vegan. This is another do not push this thing. Just include veganism into the things you naturally speak about with your family. Think about ways that it positively influenced you and share these with your family. Make vegan a word in the vocabulary of your family, not a strange outlier that they are not even sure how to pronounce.
• Give it time. Veganism and vegetarianism are marginal diets. People are not familiar with them and with what they actually mean. It takes time to learn new things and it may take time for your family to accept this. Mainly if, as you mentioned, you meet rather sporadically. Do not let yourself to be desperate about their attitude towards your decision. Most likely they do it because they care about you and are worried that you are not getting enough nutrients. Prove them wrong. Talk with them about it. Take them to a vegan restaurant and have a wonderful time. Don't worry, it will all fall into place sooner or later.

Answer 6

Regarding your family's concern that going vegan might have adverse health effects:

1. Have your doctor request labs for you periodically, showing that you are indeed still healthy as a vegan, and refer to these numbers whenever someone expresses concern about your health.

2. Have them watch "Forks Over Knives" or read the corresponding book "The China Study". (I'm friends with a couple who rapidly changed from a processed-food, meat-heavy diet to a nearly-vegan diet after watching this documentary.)

3. Show them examples of incredibly healthy vegans, such as the athletes profiled at http://www.greatveganathletes.com/, some of whom are lifelong vegans!

Of course, you'll need to be sure that you are indeed getting enough vitamin B12, protein, iron, etc. Drink fresh organic vegetable & fruit juice regularly. Eat lots of mushrooms and tempeh. Take supplements if needed.

If they genuinely want to understand why you are vegan, be sure you understand first. For me (I'm a vegetarian, transitioning to vegan), the "health benefits" aspect is much less important than the ethical/moral aspect. If you need help understanding the reality of animals' suffering in the process of their becoming food for humans, watch "Earthlings".

Answer 7

How can I deal with this issue? What would be a good way of convincing them that my lifestyle is not inherently unhealthy?

I know that starting a campaign to convince your family about all the positive aspects of veganism can be tempting. Even though I don't think this is wrong, I would like to point out that you shouldn't have to do that.

You don't have a burden of proof regarding the healthiness of your diet

You have made a choice about your diet. This is your choice, not theirs. They don't have to like your choice and they don't have to make accommodations, but if they respect you as a person they should respect your choice. They may be genuinely worried about your health, but these worries (which are likely to stem from ignorance) are theirs, not yours. You can choose to put the burden of their worries on your back, but you can also choose not to, or at least to only carry some of the weight.

For them to realize that your "lifestyle is not inherently unhealthy", they need to unlearn some perhaps deeply held misconceptions about nutrition. It is not unreasonable to expect them to take some responsibility in educating themselves to ease their worries. How much you are willing to help is up to you and may depend on how close you are to them, or wish to be, and how able you think they are to educate themselves.

During a lifetime of being a vegan, you are likely to encounter your fair share of people expressing their misplaced concern for your health. There are many possible strategies for dealing with them and you may choose different strategies for different people/situations. Remember that you don't have to be a living propaganda poster for veganism if you don't want to.

Answer 8

I just want to provide experience from the other side, perhaps it could be useful to understand some reactions:

I am an omnivore and a family member, lets call that person "A", is vegetarian.

Well, it is the decision of A and I accept it. It is A's responsibility and I trust that A will be alright. I would think differently when A would go for some extreme diet or act unreasonable in another way.

All that happened some years ago.

Now times have changed a bit. A got a child and A decided that the child will be vegetarian. You know, emotions always get a bit high when the wellbeing of toddlers is involved. While A proved over the years the A is able to act responsible the correct diet is highly important for the development of an toddler, so big experiments in that direction are never highly valued. (I do not want to derail this, but recently we had some nationwide outrage over a one year old child that was seriously undernourished and weighing as much as a newborn because the parents insisted on a strict vegan diet).

Long story short:

Try to differentiate between your family members trying to "change" you and your family members being worried about you.

While it is perfectly fine to be vegetarian (as long as your wellbeing is fine) family members have a right to be worried about you, albeit they have absolutely no right to decide over you (as long as they are not your legal guardian).

I cannot know your family relations but I guess it could be useful to prove them that you care about yourself and that you are doing well. It could be helpful if you mention that you perform regular blood analysis / medical checkups etc. When, over time, they realize that you are doing well they will begin to accept your choice.

Answer 9

Showing commitment has been important in dealing with family pressure. While transitioning, I would be a little flexible with things like dairy. This led to my family not taking my position seriously. Not cheating on my vegan diet, putting in effort to bring vegan options to a dinner when I know there won't be one, and responding firmly with my position has shown them that veganism is something I'm taking seriously and over time they've accepted my choice and stopped pressuring me.

Answer 10

It is very hard to advise without knowing you and your family. It would also help to know your location.

It is far from ideal but a stepping stone of being ovo-lacto-vegetarian may help. I have vegetarian for over 40 years. The main factor preventing me from being vegan is interacting with the rest of the world. When I am shopping and cooking for myself, I am vegan. Right now, I am trying again but even though my friends and family are used to me being vegetarian, it is still tough being vegan.

I notice very different reactions to vegetarians and vegans. 40 years ago, it was hard to be vegetarian anywhere except India. In those days, you ate what your mother served (or occasionally your father). I could not become either vegetarian or vegan until I left home. The primary reaction from those around me was that I was weird or a nuisance but I have rarely encountered hostility as a vegetarian. Over the years, in many countries (e.g. here in the UK) vegetarianism has become more common and it is much easier now. I have moved from being very weird to just a little weird. However, at the same time, I feel that acceptance of veganism is much lower and may even be decreasing. I encounter a lost of hostility to veganism. I am often shocked at how bad it is. Just the other day, my wife and I visited a friend of hers. I had met the friend's husband only briefly before and I was quite unprepared for his assault on veganism. He was clearly trying to pick a fight and I had to make a very considerable effort to avoid an unpleasant scene. His wife works in a steakhouse and mentioned that her manager was a vegan. Certainly, this is odd but he got even more agitated by this news and started on about the hypocrisy. In 40 years, I have not experienced a reaction this bad as a vegetarian.

Depending on where you live, it might now be easy to be vegetarian. For example, here in the UK, pretty much every restaurant has some vegetarian option. You may have little choice and it might not be good but it means that you can join your friends and family without limiting their choice of restaurant. Far fewer restaurants have vegan options and the understanding is even lower. I will face that challenge in a moment. My meat eating wife wants to eat out. As a vegetarian, I did not limit her choice of restaurants much and we could share some dishes. As a vegan, it is going to be a challenge to find somewhere acceptable to both of us.

So, as a vegetarian you may be able to achieve some compromise with your family but as a vegan it might not be possible; you will have to have the willpower to be a complete outsider.

Answer 11

When I was in a similar situation to you I'd reflect on why I've become a vegetarian/vegan I'd need to be able to say to my family the truth about my decision to eat only vegetarian/vegan food. As a suggestion I'd first look around the table for foods which I could eat if I found nothing then I'd tell as many people as I could politely that I want to please eat only vegetables, fruits and plant foods etc... With regards to comments and questions about whether I should just try a little bit of meat to break my diet I'd look determined and point my head in the direction of any food I could rather have to eat instead. If I was asked to try a bit of lamb or beef I'd try to spot some green beans, cabbage or potatoes and say with a smile "I love the taste of these vegetables so much". In this way I'd be demonstrating physically a love for the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle and I'd prove to my family that I'm just as happy eating vegetables as I'd be eating meat if I wasn't a vegetarian/vegan.

It's really simple. Different tastes for different people. I'd insist in any conversation with my family that I love eating vegetarian/vegan food just for the taste of it and that I wouldn't in any way want to stop eating only plant foods including vegetables and fruits.

Your family should understand you better if they see your desire to eat vegetarian/vegan food. They'd draw a conclusion about your personal tastes when they become used to the idea of you as a vegetarian/vegan. Then they won't bother you so much and they'd start to see for themselves your health benefits through your diet as a vegetarian/vegan. You should regularly take Vitamin B12 supplementation/tablets or eat food with Vitamin B12 fortification in if you're a vegan. You could always insist to your family that you are healthy and get all of the nutrients you need. As you are always consuming Vitamin B12 supplementation/tablets or food with Vitamin B12 fortification inside it.

You could go tit-for-tat with foods. If they suggest some turkey or meat they find those foods tasty. So you could then point out some vegetables and stress the delicious taste of those vegetables in return you could keep on doing this until you have eaten as much vegetarian/vegan food as you want. Then when you are full you don't have to make any excuses any more until the next meal when you'd do the same thing over again. Eventually everyone'd become used to referring to vegetarian/vegan food with you. You'd probably need to politely remind/prompt people that you are a vegetarian/vegan but you shouldn't find that too difficult to do if you truly love to eat only vegetarian/vegan food.

You need persistence and willpower to be disciplined enough to eat only vegetarian/vegan food and not to give in to other peoples' influence as long as you keep on insisting to everyone that you know what you prefer to eat and that you are healthy as a vegetarian/vegan you should be OK. Only you are responsible for what food you put into your mouth so you should believe in yourself and look only for food you would like to eat not food you wouldn't like to eat.

Other people can't make you love meat/fish. You could always insist that you love vegetables/fruits more than anything else. A huge hamburger might look tasty. However a small apple might have an even greater burst of excitement in terms of flavour. Diets are not in competition with each other. You just need to be confident enough to tell everyone around you that you love your diet and you don't want to cheat it.

Answer 12

While there is some likelihood that appealing to emotional stuff like animal cruelty and environmental impact of meat production, etc might have effect on some family members, I still consider it a weak argument.

Science is allegedly the only objective (sometimes almost religious) authority that the majority of people recognize and accept. And there is plenty of scientific evidence from mainstream sources.

• World Health Organization: Processed meat classified as carcinogenic (group 1); red meat classified as probably carcinogenic to humans (group 2A)
• BBC: Processed meats do cause cancer - WHO

Here is a detailed video by Dr McDougall about the chemistry and physiology of meat digestion in humans. And here is a table of carnivorous vs vegetarian traits which corroborates it.

Human teeth are not made for tearing and munching raw meat — they are the teeth of an herbivorous animal.

The human digestive system is not made for processing meat, although on later evolutionary stages we somehow adapted to eat everything.

According to Dr Neal Barndard's book The Power of Your Plate:

early humans had diets very much like other great apes, which is to say a largely plant-based diet, drawing on foods we can pick with our hands. Research suggests that meat-eating probably began by scavenging—eating the leftovers that carnivores had left behind. However, our bodies have never adapted to it. To this day, meat-eaters have a higher incidence of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and other problems.

According to paleontologist Dr. Richard Leakey:

you can’t tear flesh by hand, you can’t tear hide by hand.... We wouldn’t have been able to deal with food source that required those large canines

From Dr. Milton Mills's Comparative Anatomy of Eating:

When eating, a mammalian carnivore gorges itself rapidly and does not chew its food. Since proteolytic (protein-digesting) enzymes cannot be liberated in the mouth due to the danger of autodigestion (damaging the oral cavity), carnivores do not need to mix their food with saliva; they simply bite off huge chunks of meat and swallow them whole.

According to evolutionary theory, the anatomical features consistent with an herbivorous diet represent a more recently derived condition than that of the carnivore. Herbivorous mammals have well-developed facial musculature, fleshy lips, a relatively small opening into the oral cavity and a thickened, muscular tongue. The lips aid in the movement of food into the mouth and, along with the facial (cheek) musculature and tongue, assist in the chewing of food... The human gastrointestinal tract features the anatomical modifications consistent with an herbivorous diet.

Dr. William C. Roberts, editor of the American Journal of Cardiology:

Although we think we are, human beings are not natural carnivores. When we kill animals to eat them, they end up killing us, because their flesh, which contains cholesterol and saturated fat, was never intended for human beings, who are natural herbivores.

Answer 13

There's a few things I realized that finally made me understand how to truly continue with my lifestyle as a vegetarian (no meat) and overcome the peer pressure:

-if you are under 18, chances are family will try and discredit you due to your lack of "life experience" but understand change doesn't happen over night.

Find support elsewhere

-You DO NOT need to prove to anyone why being vegetarian or vegan is valid. It's your life, your body.

-Confronting those who come across as peer pressuring.

Such as saying "I don't wish to talk about this anymore." "I don't appreciate you pressuring me so (please) stop." "If you actually care about me you'd let me live my life." "I don't barade your life choices so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't barade mine." "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop putting me down." Sometimes people don't realize what peer pressure looks like so confronting them can open their eyes. Nobody wants to see themselves as the "bad guy" (peer pressuring) so think of this as a way of letting them know they went too far and it hurt your feelings. If they truly care about you they'll stop, otherwise it's time to start reconsidering "do they respect me? My life choices?"

-Understanding walking away from them isn't giving up, sometimes, it's stopping to put up with some people's bull crap.

-If family or friends really love you or care about you, they'd love & care about you regardless, not put you down about your life choices. They'd bring you up.

This was hard for me as low self esteem me still wanted to believe they did care but in the end it more about them than my actual health as why it was peer pressure and not support.

-Being open minded comes in short quantity sometimes, so not everyone welcomes difference in groups. So be the example, be open minded to their opinions, arguments, don't "prove" them wrong like they may do to you and show them you respect them because in turn if they don't respect you and continue to put you down for it, and you've confronted their behavior (how they have hurt your feelings and you don't appreciate it), continue to make jokes you've said make you feel uncomfortable, then it's time to move on to someone who does

Honestly, I've had a similar experience being vegetatian for about 6 years now and aspiring to be vegan once college is over. Before being official, I started under my parents roof, so claiming to be a vegetarian was almost like stating "cook my food without meat in it!" in the eyes of my parents which was more work for them (their perspective).

I ended up eating meat at first every once a week because of the peer pressure I recieved from all my family members who were of southern culture (big steaks, all the potatoes, gravvy, etc.) I hope this helps anyone having a hard time with choosing a less common lifestyle choice.

Answer 14

I have a problem with your position : you don’t even know if becoming vegan is good for you, yet you ask us to convince your family. Why are you changing?

Here are some arguments:

• We are not biologically made to eat that much meat
• Vegan food taste bland because out tastebuds are used to overstimulation, and just like eyes need to adapt to low light, our taste buds need adaptation for subtle flavors after you remove the excess of tastes, which are saltiness (less salt), sweetness (less sugar) and umami (less meat); bitter and sour don’t count. If you eat blander meals, after a while you begin to feel more subtle tastes.
• An adult with moderate physical activity can be healthy with common vegan , if you’re doing physical activity, at least check what you eat. You won’t get as much iron from vegan food as from meat. Also, don’t feed growing kids and teenagers with vegan food, that’s unhealthy.
• From my experience, you can make tasty vegan food, but it needs more cooking knowledge. What’s missing is a source of umami, which you can find mostly in meat, but also in mushrooms and algae. The easy way would be to use monosodium glutamate, which isn’t a very good method. In cooking, to have a tasty meal, the meat umami source is the easiest to do. If you want to make a tasty meal in a vegan way, you’ll need a lot of spices to compete. Try curry or colombo spice blends with rice and a few grilled vegetables. If you don’t know how vegan food can be tasty, then you don’t have enough cooking experience. The best way to show them is to cook a really nice vegan meal.
• ask them why they pick on you, I suspect that deep inside, some people don’t want you to improve your life, and if you can change, it will make them feel lazy, unable to improve themselves. Tell them that you want to improve yourself, that you know that being vegan is healthy under some conditions (explain why, and what you’ll do to avoid protein and iron deficiency), that their comments aren’t helping you, and you’re sad to see them behaving like that.

I’m a meat lover, btw, but I can make very nice vegan dishes which are not bland at all.